Support for National Suicide Prevention Month
Happy Holidays as we move into November we are still focusing on suicide prevention and taking care of our loved ones, who are just not themselves anymore. Too often warning signs are missed and people leave us so quickly. Without a good coping process overcoming depression alone, may feel impossible. I am back again and wanting address. one of the biggest causes for sadness during the holidays and leading causes of depression.
That my friends can be arguably agreed upon as loss love or lack of romantic love in a person’s life. Yeah there are more things that may be more important in the chain of life, lol! Things like careers, net worth, and being financially independent to take care of yourself or family; However sometimes having someone who loves you, give you the motivation to overcome money issues.
While I am no certified therapist and am not aspiring to add that to my list of things to do, nothing interests me more than human psychology and why we make the choices we make. So today I wanted to take some time to share my perspective on building stronger bonds and some of the things which are important to me when doing so. I truly have learned that a solid foundation for a positive romantic relationship, is friendship. As a adult woman I have dated since I was about 14 and the most meaningful relationship that I have ever been in began at a distance and on a platonic level but stemmed from there. What made it different was the amount of time the person invested in getting to know me and the care they took in educating me on new things. I must say I am an introvert and miss a lot of entertainment and news, but having some one the opposite of me helped balance things out. There was always new music to learn about. Got to see my first concert with this person and it was nice to be able to ask a serious or silly question and get real feedback that made me think. It was the depth of the measures taken that made the connection, strong.
Have you been in love? Remembering that good warm and fuzzy feeling with the school crushes may remind you of your first experiences of what you thought love would be, but if you are over 30 like me, you may have had a few more monumental experiences since then. I try not to confuse good sex for love and If we remove the physical part from the equation, do we feel all warm and fuzzy anymore? If we can name at least three things we like about a special person that have nothing to do with physical attributes, material possession or the potential of either of the two… we may be off to a running start.
Catalyst for Meaningful Connections
Intimacy is the catalyst for the transition from friends to more, but intimacy comes in different forms. It most likely applies to the closeness between people, without getting all scientific with things. Still there are multiple levels to that as well. If you take a man and woman, add one common interest… let’s say #albinism, that may NOT be enough to form a bond. If that is all the two have in common, even something as simple as perspective on living with the condition and the way each deal with the experience can be enough to drive a wedge between them. So, chemistry and common interests are going to be your true driving forces. These are the things that keep you coming back and help your connection grow. Being willing communicate based on attraction kind of starts the engine, but here is where It gets tricky. Subconsciously we all have preferences. Some of which we mention and many of which we don’t. So, on top of apparent similarities certain things are communicated in our body language and the way we verbally express ourselves that help share who we are. However, we often go out of the way to put our best foot forward to be appealing in an unnatural way initially. While it may work, when we stop doing those things we tend to lose the admiration of the people we attracted. This why authenticity in our delivery and presentation are so important.
No one wants to be rejected, it’s the reason for the facade we develop when getting to know people. However, if we only introduce a part of ourselves to the people we want to build with, they never get to truly know us. This can be very destructive down the road. This is not to say any bad habits cannot be corrected or one should be rude and unkind, but it means be as honest as possible with a kind delivery. If this proves impossible, there may compatibility issues early on. Generally speaking, someone who piques our curiosity for the right reasons, tend to make us want to be a better version of ourselves, not just pretend to be. Ulterior motives tend to put a timeline of the kind gestures and disingenuine act of kindness, but beware of the patient con. There are some out there, lol. Instead of jumping into thoughts about long term relationships, invest time to get to know the person as a friend and spending time in different settings may help build a bond.
Stepping Up to New Territory
If both parties are interested some fun things to do are playing board games, taking walks and maybe cooking a meal together. Perhaps in a cooking class or a day trip to the beach depending on where you live. Such activities create space and opportunity to share and communicate, without pressure. Without large crowds It gives you the ability to build trust in an intimate setting, without the pressures of sex. Group activities are good too. I’ve had video game parties with wings and drinks. Often have gotten together with friends for dominoes at my dining room table. There are other things to do besides the movies and bowling, lol. Besides those are dating activities but you can’t really talk in either of the settings. At least not in a meaningful way. Both are still great activities once you have built a good foundation for moving forward to one on one time.
Basically, looking at common interests and communication preferences early on can help determine compatibility. When we find ourselves thinking of someone in a good way more often than any others, its possible there has been a change in feelings we have and its possible, developing a connection as a friend first, give you something positive to build on. True love to me is an extension of friendship that helps us express care, concern and even love in the most unselfish ways. So, don’t just hope for the best with someone special to you, look at where you started when things seem difficult. Use that as a foundation to get back to what’s truly important. If you didn’t have a friend in one another, a true friend… see what truly connects you and how you can achieve that. If it’s not possible maybe having a person you can start this type of foundation with may be important enough to work toward in an open and honest way. Remember to treat others with the kindness you would desire and look for the best in people. This way they can always look for the best in you. Thanks for reading and hope that these words are reaching others. I appreciate you sharing and commenting. Follow us on Social Media and share suggestions for new topics and opinions on the posts.